Archive for Susan Hauser

What Hamlet means to me

I love Hamlet. That is to say, “Hamlet” is my favorite of Shakespeare’s plays. I’ve lost count of how many productions of Hamlet I’ve seen, either live or on television or cinema. Of all, my favorite remains the version performed by Christopher Plummer. His Hamlet is not often mentioned among the best Hamlets, generally thought to include Laurence Olivier, Kenneth Branagh, Derek Jacobi, Richard Burton, David Tennant and other notable actors, including, surprisingly to some, Mel Gibson.

My favorite Hamlet, Christopher Plummer

But I really liked Plummer’s Hamlet persona and thought he was especially good at claiming to be crazy while probably wondering if he really was or not. I found Olivier to be wimpy and Branagh to be too huffy and puffy.

Although some productions of Hamlet I’ve seen were downright bad (two at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival in past years come to mind), that hasn’t stopped me from buying tickets to new productions that come along. Most recently I attended a dance version of Hamlet that had its U.S. premier in Chicago. I hesitated. After all, what is Shakespeare without words? But then I remembered seeing the ballet of Romeo and Juliet at La Scala in Milan. I was shocked to find myself weeping as Juliet, in a grief-stricken dance, whirled Romeo’s body around her.

I remembered that words are not the only vehicle for expressing emotion. Turns out, the dancing Hamlet, Guillaume Côté, touched my soul too.

On Saturday, Dec. 7, I drove to South Bend, Ind., the home of the University of Notre Dame, to see a special program by a renowned Shakespearean actor. She used Shakespeare’s words to create a personal memoir. I thought that was an intriguing concept, enough that I willingly drove an hour to the Notre Dame theater.

Lisa Wolpe as Hamlet and others

Lisa Wolpe, founder of the all-women Los Angeles Women’s Shakespeare Company, has played nearly every leading role (both males and females) in Shakespeare during her career. Knowing Shakespeare’s words as well as she does, she was able to select strings of speeches, sonnets and soliloquies to express her response to multiple family traumas, including several suicides, in particular that of her Jewish father. He took his life after becoming a war hero fighting the Nazis that exterminated his family. She was 4 years old at the time.

Wolpe said her traumatic childhood gained some meaning and stability when at age 19 she discovered Shakespeare. Shakespeare’s reflections on the human condition helped her to sort out her own feelings. She crafted another way to appreciate Shakespeare deep understanding of humanity by using his powerful words for her memoir, part performance, part reflection.

Wearing black pants, shoes and vest, Hamlet’s customary attire, Wolpe weaved together Hamlet’s “To be or not to be” soliloquy with lines from other plays or poems. I easily recognized the bits from Hamlet and the sonnets, but guessed the origin of other lines. She switched easily from Shakespearean characters to being her own self, wrestling with questions about her father’s and her life.

Her performance received a well-deserved standing ovation. Before leaving the theater I spoke to her to offer her a glimpse of my relationship with Shakespeare. I was 13 when I first saw “Hamlet.” My grandmother had taken me to the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. I was electrified by Hamlet’s words and his strong emotions.

But in my family it was inconceivable that I would be allowed to speak my mind in the same eloquent way. My father was a violent alcoholic who allowed no other family members to express emotion, especially anger (at him).

I started memorizing Hamlet’s soliloquies and soon knew each one by heart. If ever I felt overwhelmed by the oppressive atmosphere of my home life, I let loose with Shakespeare’s words. My father thought I was merely trying to follow in his footsteps, since he often reminded us that he was a top Shakespeare student in college.

“I love that story,” said Wolpe as she brushed me off and turned to speak to other admirers from the audience.

Yeah, me too. It’s just another example of how Shakespeare saves lives: mine and Wolpe’s.

Farewell, Matilda

A month ago my dog died. Matilda had been my companion for almost 11 years.

Matilda as a young beauty

When I adopted her at the Oregon Humane Society, she was just one year old. But already she was the mother of nine. Her previous owner had gotten rid of her because she was pregnant. The OHS rescued her from a kill shelter and put her in foster care until her puppies were weaned. She was separated from them and put up for adoption, along with her puppies.

That’s when I met her. Her photo on a page of adoptable dogs on the OHS website carefully concealed her still large breasts that had only recently been retired from nursing puppies. I hesitated. That’s when she put her front paws in my lap and looked earnestly into my eyes. “She likes you,” said the attendant.

That may have been true but the next thing the attendant said was something I very soon learned to be false. “She’s a barkless breed,” she announced. “I have never heard her bark.”

I said I would take her home, whether she was barkless or not, but I was advised against going to see her puppies. “Then you’ll be taking home 10 dogs,” said the attendant.

Matilda and my granddaughter

Matilda was part Akita and part Australian cattle dog. She was super smart and so beautiful I got used to people stopping me to tell me what a gorgeous dog I had. It never got old. I just said, “Thank you.”

Her name when I adopted her was Faith. I learned that she had lived on a farm in Central Oregon with a couple of other dogs. I assume their names were Hope and Charity. My neighbor suggested I name her Matilda to honor her Australian relatives. The name “Matilda” better suited my sassy gal than “Faith.”

She had a hard time adjusting to life with me in my apartment. At first she kept searching for her babies, whimpering and pawing at possible hiding places. That was heartbreaking for me. Also, she couldn’t bear to be left alone. Her separation anxiety proved to be quite destructive. I had to replace the door frame several times.

Matilda on a walk in her old neighborhood in Portland
Matilda & Newton

But in time she came to love our routine, especially her daily walks to the local dog park where she liked to climb atop a picnic table, as if it were her throne. She was indeed regal.

Three years ago she and I moved far from Oregon to Indiana, to be near my son and his family. There were no dog parks here, but she gained a best pal in Cory’s little dog, Newton.

Granddaughter Octavia and daughter Meriwether walking Matilda and Newton.
Meriwether’s last hug

I figured she had three good years left, but fate ordered otherwise. She fell victim to kidney disease and lost all interest in eating. At our last visit to the vet, he encouraged us to let her go, to free her from agony. My daughter and I were with her as she breathed her last.

I was blessed to have Matilda in my life for 11 lovely years. May she reign supreme in the dog park in the sky.

Bumped off the treadmill of life

“Sometimes we assume that normal is the treadmill in the direction that we’re going. When you have this bump that takes you off your track, sometimes you realize, that wasn’t the path I was supposed to be on anyway.”

That’s what a woman lawyer told me when I interviewed her recently for an article for the Oregon State Bar Bulletin. It was a follow-up article of one I wrote for the same publication just before my move east, during the pandemic.

For the original June 2021 article, “Demands Drive Women to the Brink,” I interviewed a dozen Oregon lawyers (including just one man), about how they were coping with Covid. As might have been expected, all reported that their lives were in chaos, thanks to the unprecedented demands of remote work, home schooling, caretaking of youngsters and elders and at-home confinement of entire families during lockdown.

The update

For the update, I interviewed eight women. Nearly all reported major life changes since the pandemic. One got a divorce, one took early retirement, several switched to part-time work, and two stopped practicing the law altogether.

The woman who described her metaphorical bump off the treadmill had realized she was shortchanging her personal and family life by continuing to pursue her legal career. So she gave it all up and retired.

When I told the editor what I was hearing from the eight women, he was truly surprised. He had certainly expected resilience from these polished professionals, but the news that many of them had radically redesigned their personal and work lives came as a shock.

The take-away

The main point of the story was that most of these women reported that since readjusting their lives, they had never been happier. But until the pandemic turned their lives upside down, they hadn’t seen the folly of trying to maintain the status quo of a life that wasn’t satisfying to them.

I thought back to how I handled the pandemic and the lifestyle changes I made. Of course, it was no small thing that I left my birthplace to make a new home in the Midwest. Now I live next door to my son and his family, so in some ways it’s like I never left home. But the lesson of these Oregon women lawyers (and some ex-lawyers, now) is a good reminder to occasionally check if you’re steering your treadmill onto the right path in life — or if you’re due for a wake-up bump.